i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize