Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize