guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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