hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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