Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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