Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
