you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
