I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize