im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
