made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
