Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize