The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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