Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
