she was so not down for the gang bang
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize