I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
