Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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