Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
