u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you never un-have a 4some
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
