One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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