he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
