when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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