I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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