so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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