youre lurking in front of me
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
