Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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