I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
