I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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