Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
