All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
