hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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