just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Still dying that you shit outside
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
