Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
