the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
