My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
