i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
