you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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