If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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