I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize