I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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