I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
