I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
