then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Help. Why am I so naked?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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