the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
