hotel room ftw
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
