I have demons in me.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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