if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
