nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
