Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
4 words: hood of his car
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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