Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
