someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Randomize
