your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
