just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
