My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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