I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
