i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
