i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize