can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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