Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
