Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
