Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
