Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
