you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
