he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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