If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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