Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
