Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
