Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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