does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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