He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
